Tell Me You Love Me: The 5 Love Languages And What They Mean

We are all someone’s somebody – a friend’s friend, a best friend’s best friend, a mother’s daughter, a father’s son, a significant other’s lover. We all have relationships to build and to maintain, and the foundation of any healthy relationship – friendship, marriage, is communication. It is easier said than done for both parties in a relationship to express their love for each other, with care, intention and meaning. Many struggle to do so in a way that appeals to the one on the receiving end. With that said, to communicate, we have to know and understand each other’s love languages.

Developed and made known by author and counsellor Gary Chapman in 1992, the five love languages describe the ways in which we feel loved, appreciated and accepted by others. Understanding your partner (or your friend and family)’s love language takes a lot of the guesswork out of your relationships. According to Dr Chapman, the five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.

Let’s take a look at the five love languages.

#1 Words of Affirmation

Ever heard of the saying that actions speak louder than words? Well, to some people, words are indeed louder than actions. Those whose love language is words of affirmation perceive and express affection through spoken and written words, praise or appreciation. They may feel out of place or neglected if they don’t hear or read it often.

The constant “I love you”, “You mean a lot to me” and “I appreciate you” can go a long way for people with this love language. A text message just because, a surprise handwritten note and an impromptu compliment will make their hearts full.

#2 Quality Time

This love language spells undivided attention. For these people, it is the time spent together, with no television, no smartphones and no distractions that really matter. It is their partner’s willingness to set aside time to make them the centre of their attention that makes quality time-lovers feel appreciated and loved.

This does not mean that you do not spend time watching movies and cuddling together. It simply means to do all that without any other distractions around. People with this love language hate it when plans are canceled, or when someone is late to a date – especially one that they anticipate.

#3 Receiving Gifts

Those whose love language is receiving gifts are often mistaken as materialistic, or gold diggers. However, that is not always the case. Those belonging to this love language perceive gift-giving as an act of appreciation and affection. To them, it is the thought that counts. They value the time and effort spent on the gift, more than the gift itself.

Nothing makes them happier than the thought that you thought of them while on a vacation or a work trip. Something handmade would definitely melt the hearts of people who see love in gift-giving.

#4 Acts of Service

When someone’s love language is acts of service, the best way to make them feel loved and appreciated is to do nice things for them. Whether is helping to unload the groceries from the car, doing the dishes or doing the laundry, little acts of service that ease their burden will go a long way.

When you set some time aside to help them, they perceive your acts of kindness as your willingness to sacrifice some of your time and energy for them, even if you didn’t have to or weren’t asked to.

#5 Physical Touch

We all have that one extremely touchy friend who hugs us just because. Chances are that this friend of ours belongs to the physical touch love language. To them, love is perceived and expressed through close physical touch with those around them.

The best way to show your love and appreciation for the ‘touchy-touchy fam’ is simply to touch them! Offer them hugs, hold their hands, give them a massage at the end of a long day. Their idea of a perfect date might be cuddling on the couch.

So, have you figured out your love language? Take the five love languages test here to find out!