Teaching as Therapy (Part II)
May 2019 marked the onset of my declining mental health. In brief, one of my strongest friendships was hanging by a thread; my father suffered a sudden heart attack which almost drove him into a vegetative state; I had failed to secure my cooperative placement, etc. I have faced similar trauma regarding some of my friendships back in my Foundation year but I had never thought I would have to deal with situations much worse than that. I felt completely lost but I knew I had to keep doing what I was doing which was keeping my entire university life in check. I tried my best to keep my grades up and stay involved in my extracurricular activities – and it was painful. Everything I was doing felt meaningless and joyless – even teaching at one point in the May 2019 semester. But with the help of God, I was able to pull myself together again using His given ability to teach and help others.
May 2019 semester sizzled away with me frantically searching for internships. I remember spending quite a lot of time alone in the library searching for jobs and none of the companies I had applied were responding. I knew that if I did not complete my internship, I would have to extend an extra semester (which I had to anyway). When September came around, I had decided to take up two subjects and still continued to search for internships but by the middle of the month, I was out of time and decided to drop my cooperative placement. It was when I started to take up the PAL program again. I had quite an array of classes to choose from but I decided to go with one of my favourite mathematics classes: Mathematics for Engineers II. To be frank with you, I am not a good in Mathematics. I faced a lot of difficulties in the subject during my high school years until my first semester of my degree. After scoring an “A-“ in Calculus and Analytical Geometry II, I finally understood how to practice Mathematics effectively and it was when I developed a huge passion for the subject. And back in September 2019, I was playing the role of an educator in Mathematics II and I was desperately hoping that all goes smoothly. I couldn’t afford to mess this up like I had with my cooperative placement.
The class of Mathematics II was huge and I recognized some of my juniors. I was surprised to see that I had a good number of mentees who turned up on the first day of my tutorial class. If I am being honest with you, I don’t think I have ever put so much time in preparing teaching materials for Mathematics II than any other class before. I knew that this subject had a high failing rate and I was determined to change that. Hence, I always had challenging problems to put up on the board and solving it together with the class later on. I did receive feedback that my questions were harder than the lecturer’s to which I responded that it was wise to be exposed to hard questions while practicing in class so that it won’t be a disappointing surprise in the finals.
While my friends interned the semester away in Glassfil Polymer Sdn Bhd, I was passing the semester in UCSI University by doing what I do best: teaching. It honestly brings me so much joy to teach, to work with students who are eager to learn and to contribute to their success. I am by no means as qualified as a lecturer but I felt that it was easier for students to relate to another student like me who had gone through what they are going through at that time. What I mean to say is that I understood the subject inside and out and am aware of the challenges student might encounter while studying it. Thus, I was able to prepare material to target those challenges. It was heart-melting to see my mentees appreciate my effort and it was what kept me going that semester. I spared no effort in making sure that they understood everything taught to them. That semester was hands down the best teaching experience of my degree life. I had an overwhelming amount of support from my lecturers and faculty and the number of mentees who attended my classes were through the roof! I had 40-50 students attending my revision classes and had to shift to bigger venues to accommodate their seating arrangements. It honestly was the best PAL class I had ever had.
Towards the end of the semester, I was able to reflect on why I love teaching so much. Teaching meant sharing my knowledge with someone eager to learn and having that knowledge contribute to the betterment of the student’s life. It was essentially helping others with what you have learned so they can go on to help themselves and other peoples. It made me realize that teaching, to me, was a form of altruism. From different experiences in my life, I had learned that I find joy in putting someone else’s needs above my own. Till this day no matter how busy I am, I still find time to teach as I don’t consider it a chore but a hobby of mine. Earlier this month, I had the chance to discuss with my role model, Dr Yeap Swee Pin, just about this matter to which he expressed the same sentiments. To be able to teach is a gift, and to me, it grew into a form of therapy.
It delights me when my mentees acknowledge my efforts. I specifically recall an Organic Chemistry student of mine stopping to say, “Hi,” at the Block C bus stop. I almost didn’t recognize her but she introduced herself saying that I taught her Organic Chemistry in January 2018 and that she is so thankful for my efforts. It wasn’t a conversation that I was expecting to have that day and I couldn’t be more grateful to hear her kind words. And my lecturers are amazing people. They recognize my teaching efforts and make it a priority to support me in any way they could. Earlier this year I was struggling with the military occupation of my home country, Myanmar, and I was finding it impossible to balance my Final Year Project, Capstone Project, my chemical engineering subjects, and the two challenging fourth-year subjects I had signed up to teach. My academic performance was declining but my lecturers gave me the strength and support I needed to emerge of top. My teaching was also facilitated by my lecturers who constantly checked up on me offering their words of appreciation and encouragement.
I am someone who suffer from mental health issues and I am not alone in this. With my background and the economic status of my country (now heavily worsened due to the military coup), I am unable to actively seek therapy or treatment. From this platform I would like to remind you that if you are struggling with your mental health, engaging in a hobby (such as teaching) and spiritual activity helps. Please do not feel like talking about your mental health is a weakness. Exercise helps. Getting a good night’s rest helps. Eating healthy helps. Taking the day off to relax helps. You are not alone and I truly wish that you have a passion as strong as teaching is for me. Once you start impacting others’ lives positively, you will notice positive and rewarding changes in your self as well! However, always remember that we must care for ourselves before we can extend a helping hand to others.
